Understanding our values is the ABC of personal growth because they give us direction in life, they help us to realise what is important to us, they help us to make choices that feel good and they create integrity within ourselves.
When we can understand our values, it helps us deal with confrontations. Usually, when we are annoyed at someone, this is because one of our values have not been met.
For example:
Harry and Adam are having a team meeting at work. They are managing a huge account and it is important that the account performs to target. Adam has come to work extremely tired and is under performing. He is not focused in the team meeting which causes Harry to be extremely stressed. One of Harry’s values is success and Adam has shown up uncommitted and this causes confrontation between the two.
If we don’t understand our values, our default action is just to be annoyed at the other person. In this case, Harry knows he holds a value around success. Instead of being annoyed and frustrated, he is able to articulate it and ask for what he needs.
Harry to Adam: ‘You have come into an extremely important meeting unprepared. You are not present and the impact on me is that you don’t care about the success of the team. I would really appreciate it if next time, you could show up a lot more present and take into consideration how your behaviours will impact the rest of the team”.
Think of a time when someone has triggered you at work. Can you think of a value of yours they did not honour which would allow you to articulate feedback better? Let us know.