The One Mistake All Leaders are Making and the Three Steps to Fixing it
I spent this morning chasing someone for a meeting invite. It's a recurring meeting and I had to chase them for the last invite too. Why didn't they just put it in as a recurring meeting?, I thought. Why am I chasing them again? I hate repeating myself and I hate inefficiency, so while forgetting a meeting invite isn't a big deal, it's one of those triggers designed to drive my stress levels to a ten.
This isn't the first time it's happened with this person. There are constant small plates being dropped, a tapas of mistakes that creates a low hum of frustration. Of course I've told them. I've explained how annoying it is, I've tried to create systems to help, I feel like I've done everything. But the truth is I haven't. I've tried to change them. I've never tried to change myself.
And that's a truth that holds most leaders back.
The leadership patterns leaders see (and the ones they don't)
Good leaders can look at their team and spot the leadership patterns getting in the way of success. The meetings that end without actions. The silos that appear again and again. What usually happens next is a new strategy gets rolled out, it fixes things for a bit, then the same pattern reappears. What we know from our work with teams using our Pattern Power™ model is this:
You cannot change patterns at a team level until you've changed them at an individual level.
How the Inertia Loop traps leaders
When you're stuck in an Inertia Loop, you repeat the same patterns again and again. In the example above, the TRIGGER is someone repeatedly forgetting a (in my mind) simple task. My REACTION is frustration. The BEHAVIOUR is trying to find a solution to fix the other person. It might work in the short term, but ultimately my brilliant solution falls by the wayside, the little errors creep back in, and round we go.
If I want to break free of this pattern, there are three steps I need to follow.
1. Acknowledge how I contribute to the problem
Here's the truth: if your team is stuck in a cycle of behaviour, you are contributing to that cycle in some way. When I look at the pattern above, I can see I consistently deal with it by trying to fix it. Maybe that's what you think a leader does, but it's not working. So why do I keep doing it? Maybe I don't trust the other person. Maybe I just want the problem gone quickly. The why matters less than the acknowledgement: by sticking to my pattern, I'm part of the problem. I can stay in it, or I can choose something different and see what shifts. We call this the Power Loop.
2. Identify the emotion driving my reaction
I know I get frustrated, but what sits below that? When I give it real attention, I can see there's anger at someone taking advantage of my patience, and fear that they'll never get it right and my work will be harmed because of them. Both emotions are valid but both are also based on presumptions. Once I can acknowledge them, I can make space to look at my behaviour.
3. Change the behaviour
With a bit of space from the emotion, I can step back from my instinctive response. Moving at speed, from a place of frustration, my instinct is to provide a solution. But that isn't working. I'm actually doing the same thing as my colleague: repeating behaviour that doesn't suit the issue. Once I see that, the options open up. I could let them come up with an answer. I could ask their line manager to talk to them. I could take over the meeting arranging myself. I could have an honest conversation about the impact they're having. Suddenly there are lots more avenues to explore.
The real mistake most leaders make
The mistake most leaders make is treating team problems as system issues, rather than as individuals coming together to create one big pattern. Shift the perspective, see that each individual (including yourself) is contributing, and you give yourself the chance to change it. When the behaviour shifts, the pattern is forced to shift too, and something new gets created.
